I am an intellectual. I feel more keenly than anyone else. I have a very large sphere. I am an artist, not suicidal or anything- that’s out of fashion nowadays. Now it’s better to be positive and driven so that’s what I do. Yap.

My experience of the world is utterly alive. I can watch a leaf skitter along a pavement for at least a minute or two. And I don’t just see a leaf-  that would be too easy. It has to be ‘like’ something or at a very minimum it must symbolise something else. Everything is something else actually, nothing that you look at is just there. Imagine how dull life would be!

Well, I won’t. Every minute of my life is poetry- #epic poetry about one individual’s struggle to make a mark. And why not? You could argue of course that one day the Earth will be eaten up and consumed by the Sun etc but that is not very hopeful. And we all know that hope is the best kind of pornography.

Anyway, these are the questions you are plagued with when you are creative. Like I say, the word ‘tortured’ is not really acceptable anymore- not in a liberal society like ours. You have to pull your socks up because no one is going to do it for you. No one likes a bore, sir.

Get out and around! Carpet-bomb the fuck out of the scene. Post about your achievements on social networks. Become your own myth. Why not? This is Your Time. No need to chop off your ear or put your head in the oven! We are all connected.


when i yawn, tears go down my face and people say ‘why’re you crying?’ it’s all an act. i’m pretty happy, though often vexed at meaningless tasks. it is my job to write impenetrable text and inspire millions. they generally love me.


‘we have drunk soma and become immortal; we have attained the light’

being an outsider used to be a desirable thing didn’t it? like the coolest thing of all. nowadays it’s more like being the tea lady in a stained tabard backstage from where the advert is getting shot. all in the centre are these flashing beauties at festivals with their middle-class limbs, twirling in ecstasy. you can see their brains all stuffed up with mdma. mdma and the occasional thresh into tears.

modern freedom looks like this- it is a hole in the shape of a hole. it is a deeper house than yours. it is facepaint and decadence and hangovers. money talks but only in a whisper- it is not de rigueur to mention it, it is a faux pas. we all have it- look at our teeth- they are the latest fashions. but we don’t believe in fashions. we are not cool, it is not cool.

here is my profile and here are my hands- what is this line here? it is leading away from me, off into the sunset; the future belongs to everyone else.


i was lying face down on my bed, exhausted by the utterly dreadful business of existing and wondering if my time would be better spent procrastinating there like a nasty pink blancmange or in making a tower of all my belongings and setting it alight, when it came to me in a flash of total boredom that relaxation is never relaxing, i would be better off just getting up and facing the music- to the tune of- i am here to make things and really the only way you can do this is to start, not worry about not doing it. i mean look at my hands, they are all fingers.

trapped in a world of in-trays we are fighting a battle against 2.30 in the afternoon when everything seems lost, the sky goes dark, you fall to the floor clutching your To Do lists- eyeballs falling out and rolling off to the seaside in search of something tangible- your poor blind corpse soldiering on toward hometime, the glorious nothingness of sleep and the inertia that you feel is your right. how is this even allowed?

aim to eradicate the idea that laziness is acceptable, like some grotesque self-hug of death! say NO!.. laziness must be earned. you must toil in the mine of art. thus- whenever you make something, it becomes a catalyst for more doing, therefore saving some other lost soul from an afternoon of watching themselves rot with the penetrating eyes of failure.

it is your duty as a fully-functioning, intelligent, sensitive and (no doubt) conscientious individual to start today. it must be your obligation to resist all comfort, all joy, to say ‘I decline your offer. I must go now, for it is time to create…’

5. Rules learnt in 13

1. most off, live outside of fear. admit the way things are- not right. the sun rises over the wreck.

2. become bionic and walk through people in the street- right through their bodies, ahead of them and made of bravery.

3. security is a phantom. it has never and will never be for the golden minded (this is capital news).

4. stupidity is rife but big wow- it is stupid to get involved in negative warfare. the only worthy war is that of the glint and possibly the dance- all else is shell shock.

5. love is outdated, we need a new manifesto (don’t worry, i will write it for you because i love you).

6. the emperors new clothes were not new to begin with, in fact they have always been threadbare, but most people can’t see that. to them this sentence does not exist.

7. you have to let some stew in their selfishness and/or blindness- don’t get upset, just watch them destroy themselves. it is easy to think you’re happy.

8. being the winner is a product of emotional organisation, also honesty. armour is an ever-growing country. if yours is going hungry then your mind will suffer.

9. middle-age should not be comfortable, it must stay painful, or your mind will also suffer.

10. life is an artform. art must also be a lifeform.

11. we are already living under anarchism- no one is in charge. people pretend to be, even anarchists, but no one really knows their own mind. it is the ultimate freedom.

12. the media has no meaning.

13. next year will be the greatest of your life. things are collapsing and more and more people are becoming disillusioned. resolution: keep learning and dancing- they will call you a child. thank them.

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